Better Together

Picture this, it’s Saturday. I am leaving a circle of women that have been gathering online, twice a month, for over a year and who have just all met each other in person for the first time. I am looking for a coffee shop to start one of the adventures I have planned for myself for my first year in my 40’s, a visit to a different coffee shop each month to enjoy some creative writing time, and after that I will head home to help get my family out the door so that I can host another circle of women around my own dining room table. These women have been living in an online community for over 6 months and we also usually meet online but one of them asked if we could spend time together in person and I am so looking forward to the energy that we will create as we dig into how we can live attuned, aligned and authentically awesome! The song that starts playing on the radio is ‘Better Together’ by Luke Combs and granted it’s a love song, I realize that’s what I feel for the circles in my life. LOVE. They are in my heart, in my mind and today I get to share physical connection with them. Hugs, shared tears, a hand to hold while we walk this fairly unmapped journey of knowing ourselves and trusting our dreams. 

And then it hits me, my writing assignment becomes very clear. The title of this exploration is ‘Better Together’. Now all I need is that deliciously indulgent latte.

“Shouting self-care at people who actually need community care is how we fail them” says author Nakita Valerio. I have believed this quote since the first time I read it. I have been able to fall back on these words when I have fallen short of the confidence it takes to build this business. When I read this, I am reminded of the need for spaces for women to come together to move through life as a collective, to take the unrealistic pressure off of them that tells them they should be able to do it alone.

I am no historian, I do not have a strong connection to my cultural background personally, but I cannot think of one group of women that came before us that were expected to do things as alone as we are today. In every story of the past that I have heard women shared responsibility, caring tasks, food, shelter, strength, and love. They did it in shared buildings, in shared rituals, in shared meals. They were not expected to be able to do all the things alone. Why do we expect that of ourselves now? Why do we think we can read a book on being a happier or more fulfilled woman and without having a conversation about it, live up to the standard checklist that book gives us for moving forward?

I’ve had the blessing of taking up space in an intentional circle of women for 8 years now, that’s one of the longest relationships in my life. I’ve known this circle longer than I have known my children.

Fun fact, my son, Lucas, spent many weekends surrounded by the power of the women in the circle while he napped in the bassinet in the middle of the floor. While we struggled and shared and loved around him. I see that energy in him now, I see how connected he is to others and the world around him. Abby, my daughter, would have had the same experience had the pandemic not shifted things, but I know she is getting the ripples. She is getting the energy that is filtered through my words, actions and thoughts because of my time spent stepping up for me.

That’s the magic of the circle. That’s why community care is needed. It is community care inside of women’s circles that is going to heal our worlds. Because you can’t stop the ripples. When a woman steps up to gain clarity and control of her life it affects everyone she has contact with. When she can explore her growth in a space that encourages her to practice hard conversations, to hold an idea and roll it around to see if she can gain another perspective, she stands surer footed in her steps forward. When she listens to the stories of her sisters without judgement or comparison, she is reminded of the sameness of those around her, the differences fade away.

Circles of women are built on shared stories of success, struggle and seeking and I’d rather do that in community than alone, especially on this uncharted path of self-(re)discovery.

There’s a difference between a circle and a program/workshop/lesson. I do think that there is a chance for a circle to grow from one of those things that starts a relationship, because I’ve seen that happen. A circle is formed slowly and with intention. The circle itself is the container that holds the space for each of the women living in it to step up for herself. The women that bring themselves to the practice of gathering in circle are all responsible for holding space for it, for allowing it to flow with their changes. I’ve moved from sitting in circles to offering them to other women and I am reminded that the ripples are endless. I’m also reminded over and over again that this is not a prescribed program. As a facilitator of these spaces it is my job to make sure that each woman in the circle holds strongly to herself so that she can practice bravery, sharing her voice and her stories.

As a facilitator of these spaces I will never tire of hearing women cheer for other women. I will never tire of watching someone share with a shaky voice and be strengthen by the love of those around her so that by the end of her share her voice is just a little more steady. I will never tire of wrapping up our time together by sharing things we are now willing to try out in the real world.

I’ve been on a quest to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and maybe that’s not the right question anymore. Maybe the question should be, ‘Where do I want to be while I grow up’. Because the answer is ‘in circle’! I want to always be IN CIRCLE!

I’m grateful that I’ve had the opportunity lately to spend time reflecting on what the circle means to my life and I am grateful to you for reading these words. Whether it’s sitting in a circle or holding space for one, my time in circle has changed my journey.

If you think you might want to try living in a community of like-hearted women we’ve got space for you in the Awesome Women’s Ensemble. The first month is free, there’s no obligation to DO anything, there’s just space for you to BE you!

Or dip your toes in to the power of relationships that could turn into an indulgent circle in the Creating Wellness program.

You deserve a seat in a circle!

💛Cas